This blog is no longer read by the people who know me. By anyone who would see me on a daily basis. I wonder if my mom is right. That I wait too long for people to come to me. I think the city has changed me. Inspite of my tough exterior I feel that I'm pretty fragile on the inside. I'm feeling rubbed raw by the city and all the people in it. It just feels so fake. But then again it feels too emotionless.
Anyway, I didn't really sit down to write about that.
Bernard, where is he? And why do I feel that I've gotten him in trouble? I shouldn't have sent that email. Damn my impatience! I just wanted to hear from him. But why! Why didn't he let her know!I'm just a friend. I love him. I really do. He's my best friend. It's been 4 months since I've seen him. And I fear that that will be the very last time I shall ever see him. fuck. tears and electronics don't mix. He's been my friend for almost a year. Now I can't even email him. I can't even find out if he's ok. I don't know what to do with myself. I feel so awful. I think I hurt his marriage. I wish he'd leave me a sign. A way to really understand what went down afterwards. geez. I'm a crappy friend. I'm sure he's better off without me. But I'm not better off without him. I'm miserable. He's so wise and kind. and I MISS HIM. I want him to come back and talk to me again. I hate this. I feel so stubborn right now. I don't want new friends. I want HIM. I want my old friend. The old good times. The old good talks. I don't want to go through the whole process of getting new friends and having to sift through all the lame-ass people here.
Alright. I just needed to do that.... Needed to rant and cry and whine. To be frustrated at my lame-ass self.
I have a new lame job. I'm a cashier at Hairy Peter. I'm making 8 bucks an hour so I guess that's better then most places. I have to go through the same lame training that I had to when I was last a grocery cashier. It's the same shit but a different day. ssdd. But I suppose that is what life is.
On another note.....
I'm going camping (hopefully) the last week of October. But money is very very tight right now and i doubt it will really go through but i want to go. Here's a good idea on what kind of stuff we'll be getting.... I hope we'll have enough for the supplies and for gas to and fro.
Camping Supplies
Coleman's "Red Canyon" 8 person 3 room 17' x 10' tent- 79.94
Coleman's "Montauk" Super King 6lbs 39' x 81' sleeping bag- 34.82
OmegaLight battery-free flashlight- 12.67 x2
Colibri "Firebird" lighter- 12.47 x2
Ozark Trail eggcrate padding 24' x 72'- 11.96 x2
Outdoor Productions "Daypack"- 9.86
Ozark Trail poncho- 2.86 x2
Ozark Trail portable t.p.- 1.74 x4
fuel for lighter- .98 x2
StarterLogs- .33 x1
Food Supplies
Breakfast
dozen eggs- .89
blueberry muffins- (?)
Lemon Poppy seed muffins- (?)
banana nut bread- (?)
blueberry bread- 2.50
bisquits- (?)
Morning Star sasuage patties
Sandwhich fixings (Lunches)
Nature's Own Honey Wheat bread- 2.15 x2
1lbs. turkey breast- 2.98
1lbs. honey ham- 3.24
cheese- 1.66
small sqeeze mayo- (?)
Dinners
chicken hot dogs (30)- 4.00
Morning Star chikn patties
Drinks
1/2 gal. of milk- 1.96
V8 Fusions Peach Mango- 3.99 x4
1/2 gal. gatorade- 1.77 x4
Trailmix
Blue Diamond 6oz. honey roasted almonds- 2.74 x2
7oz. honey roasted pecans- 4.17
Planter's 10oz cashews- 3.37
1/3 lbs of dried banana chips- (?)
1/3 lbs of dried mango pieces- (?)
1/3 lbs of dried cranberries- (?)
Snacks
Marshmellows- 1.00
jiffy pop- 1.63
