Apparantly Dave has decided that his ex gf is a much better person to be with. secret meetings cute little love letters, mixed listing cds, books back and forth. his latest secret meetup was the last friday. he lies to me and states he is with his dad and goes to be with her... he was gone from 4pm-10:30pm fuck him. seriously. fuck him. what a goddamn coward.
this is just one of his many little piece of shit convos with her. i'm cutting out boring txt that is not related to anything
ex gf: borrowing a book would mean sending it back and that would be tricky wouldn't it? of course, i could refrain from putting my name above the return address.
dave: or you could opt for requiring my signature and so i'd have to pick it up from the post office. you could just send it to my mom's house. there would still be suspicion in (fae) checking the mail and finding a book that i own from an unknown sender.
ex gf: if she opens mail addressed to you, it's a federal offense.
dave: lol i'll be like "oh, you're mad that i loaned her my book? well maybe you'll get over it while you are in the slammer!!" lol!
ex gf: lmao!
oh yes this is indeed cerebal lulzy! i mean it's HILARIOUS that he sends her books and other lovey dovey things to her the crusher of his heart so many years ago. and to have to come up with a birthday or christmas present is like under taking a gauntlet. fuck him.... moving on...
and after i had a mini tiny very little confrontation that was more about me seeing if he'd say anything about it and just saying i saw a little single txt that upset me.
he whines to her
Dave: it's been a really tough day but i'm getting though it okay
*sniff* oh dave it's SO hard getting caught fucking around behind your gfs back with your ex. *sniff* your gf is SUCH a bitch -__-
Dave: dinner with my folks. it makes me miss getting to see you everyday. as though i don't already miss that
ex gf: i miss you too, i'm excited about friday. i really like the web comic you sent me!
dave: i'm glad you dig the comics. i literally had you in mind when i read all of them. :*
ex gf: i felt like alot of the comic really applied to us!
AWWWWWW it's TWUE WUVE!!! seriously dave why the fuck are you even still with me? and then there is this little convo from last friday the 6th
dave: you don't need to explain yourself. unless you're just done with me or you don't love me, then i already get it. seriously. i know the angles.
ex gf: the thing is, i do love you. i kept everything for you tucked away in a place that i buried in my mind, firest in an effort to forget, and then i did (more or less). the recent events have caused my subconscious discovery of all of toise things i have for you, and i don't know how to react to them. its great when we hang out, and even when we don't. it's still painful, and i still cry )even though i didn't think i could anymore). i think you get that. but my point here is i can't do the double helix thing (me: the fuck does that mean ugh little cutesy inside reference). i love you but i also love (current bf which is her FIANCE) i can't tear you and your gf apart - it's not my place to do that to you, or her (me: REALLY? you seem to be a damn good job ripping honey) i'd still love to hang out with you when we can manage it. don't be too harsh on yourself. (me: she's right don't be too harsh dave. i will be leaving you and you'll have plenty of time to be harsh to yourself then :D) We're both entitled to our feelings and thoughts and that sort of things, and i'm not saying mine are changing. i'll always love you, and nothing will ever change that. we chose our paths three years ago when you left and i wallowed around in murk and used people until i felt better about myself. (me: ok. let me get this straight... YOU txt message dump him because you are a shallow whore and he left you??? how the fuck does that work again...) it was all crazy shit and shit happens (i'm not saying there weren't any good parts) but we can't change those things we've already done. (me: i'm so glad you had fun running around whoring for a couple years. but that is alright now since you found jesus.) I'm still in love with you.
I had a good time with you today, i could get lost in your eyes, and i like that you care about me so much. you need to know that i care about you too, and because of that, i can't be the one to take things away from you. hugs, for always.
dave: thank you. i want to be there for you. i just want to know where i stand at any time. you're still my best friend and i don't want to do anything to hurt you (me: i wish he still felt this way towards me... he doesn't seem to give a FUCK that he is killing me emotionally) is there anything you need from me?
ex gf: today would have been vastly different if we had been able to hand at your place. everything about you makes me warm on the inside.
dave: i'll try to be whatever you need of want me to be. i don't know how to tone down my appreciation or those things that make me digable but i'll see what i can do. do you need space?
ex gf: no space necessiary here and no worries. i'm not asking you to tone down your appreciation or anything like that. turbohugs!
dave: hugs. what would have been different had we gone to my place?
ex gf: i would have done the surprise thing that i told you about with the lamp. :j i'm sure that would have led to a kiss or two, and being under a sheet adds a level of physical privacy to it.
dave: oh well. hugs. i went ahead and purged the tasty pics and sweet txts. if she and i don't work out, that's just how it was supposed to be. i'll never expect to be with you in any ways. i'll always hope though (me: you'll be hoping alone come next summer when i'm done with school and i have my shit together. you bet your ass you'll be alone.)
ex gf: i'll just send more txts. i just hope your difficulties get better/go away, and i hopw that whatever issues you have with her are not because you talk with me. (me: LMAO! okok seriously does she NOT get that it's really fucking not okay that she is sending sexy pics and txts to my bf. i guess i'm suppose to play dumb.) to be completely hones (and not intentionally mean) but if sher can't trust you enough to talk/visit with your friends, then it seems that there would be a bigger issue there. (me: stop it! i can't breathe! okay FRIENDS don't want to FUCK each other! okay!)
dave: maybe it's still greedy and unreasonable but i still want you to hold me and make me feel safe. i think it might help me. i might cry but meh.
ex gf: i don't think it's greedy/unresonable. you could use one of those kinds of hugs. i'm okay with a few tears. or more or none.
dave: it would be very dangerous to have you meet her because i would be afraid to look at you the wrong way and have her see too much affection in my eyes and then she's just end up worrying. (me: i'm not worried. she has you by the dick and heart and i'm moving on. sorry.) I think she just needs to deal with it on her own. nothing i do, other than getting caught, is going to help or hinder her being comfortable with stuff. today, i'd sit down and close my eyes and then i'd see myself reaching over to caress you and i'l shake myself and open my eyes so that i wouldn't get a look on my face, good or bad. i didn't want to deal with any interrogation or making a mess of myself (me: believe me dave by the end you'll wish i would talk to you. it's going to be more silent then a tomb between us.)
ex gf: if she wants to talk to me i'm here to talk with. she can always contact me though fb if she so desires. but i'm not here to get catty with her or to be dogged on or anything like that.
dave: if she doesn't know better then to start shit with people who're obviously important to me, then she'll get some sort of punishment or something. i really don't know what i'd do.
well dave i know she means more to you then i ever did. it's been four years and you continue to love her as strong and true as if it were just yesterday. and i'm not going to compete to be loved or given affection. sorry. i don't care how lonely you are going to be. as long as it doesn't hurt my wallet or my food or my roof over my head. i couldn't give a shit about your loneliness. sorry darling.
dave: everytime you give me a high five, i hoped it would linger for just a moment longer as a caress.
ex gf: i thought about holding your hand in the car but i figured you needed both hands to drive.
dave: i really wanted you to. the whole time, not just in the car. it sounds silly, but i watched your hands in the same way i watched your lips.
ex gf: i saw that you watched my lips. :* <3
dave: it's just hard to not want your awesomeness all to myself even for an evening. i just think htat it's all ruined and that everything is over: friendship and all. i don't usually jump to conclustions or outright assume the worst, so i don't know why i do it with you. it's just hard to translate your signals into new guidelines on the spot; we usually spend the next few days doing that.
ex: my signals are coded for my own protection. just another result of how i healed myself after everything that happened.
dave: hugs. if your signals are more obvois, then i can stop more easily when you're not comfortable. instead i just keep trying and either feel bad for pressuring you or feel like an idiot for trying(me:you are an idiot dave. she just wants to have some i wish you were my bf bang sessions and then just use you whenever she feels like. kinda like before. but whatever)
ex: i'll work on it. i just don't want to be too harsh.
dave: just be calm and firm. smile, shake your head and say no. tell me to slow my roll. if you smile, it will severely soften any harshness. just tell me how to be so i don't need to wonder. youre smiles are quite powerful.
maybe this break up will lead to great love and adoration for me 5 years down the line when he is either with this bimbo or another dumb bitch who won't know he likes to have fingers in all of the pies :) this is just one of several convos that have gone on and will continue to go on with him and his ex. they apparantly have been meeting up and shit since july. whatthefuckever. only guy i loved and he still wants to get with his ex like hardfuckingcore. whatever. i'm just not sure why he is pretending he wants and loves me and shit. it's pretty freaking obvious that i'm just being kept around until she calls off her wedding or divorces the guy. and wants to run away with him into the sunset. looks like i was the only one to love in this relationship. yay.
UPDATE 11/12/09 so these FRIENDS are planning on fucking in my bed while i'm away on vacation. such great FRIENDS. it's a lucky thing i've screen captured this whole exchange and i will be forewarding all of my screen captures to her dumbfuck of a fiance. really guy needs to keep a closer eye on his skank n___n
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