i had hours of euphoria upon awaking yesterday. i only remember fragments of it sadly because if i could i would dream the dream every night for a while. i was with the good doctor and we were strolling/running around hand in hand not sure why. but it was the doctor he is always running around as if he couldn't just go back in time a little and such. :P well at any rate i believe we were out someplace green and shaded and warm with a cool breeze. he had been babbling on and on about his silly stuff. and i just had the sudden urge to kiss him. we had been kinda swinging hands and as his hand swung up i stopped it and kissed the inside of his wrist a couple times. he had a trace of pleasure on his face for a nanosecond and then shock. "why would you do that?" he demanded in a faintly wounded way. i spoke firmly and sweetly, "because i would rather ask forgiveness and things be a little awkward for awhile then be filled with regret that i never showed you the love or affection that i feel for you" he swallowed hard a few times and his eyes misted slightly. i spoke again, "you're dying and i wanted-" he interjected, "i'm not completely dying i'm going to regenerate" and i felt my throat turn into a knot, "i know theta sigma but i need you to know you this incarnation." he just yanked me close and all of a sudden his hands were wrapping me up into the tightest warmest hug and kissed me in a fragile sort of way. He looked relieved and sad at the same time. i whispered "i think that is your problem doctor." he looked confused, i continued "you have two hearts and you love with both of them and that is twice as much as most people and species." he began to argue but i put a hand up onto his lips. he kissed my fingertips and then my lips.
the dream dissolved into me just hanging out with him and it just made me happy. i know it sounds like garbage and romance novelish but it made me feel like i was able to let him know through words and probably thoughts that there are so many reasons for him to be loveable. i just want him to know that he can be happy too. that it's okay. but i'm a hopeless loser. i find dreams about doctor who calming and euphoric. he makes me feel safe and we are kindred spirits of some sorts. i love him more then i should because he isn't real but oh well... goodnight sweet world i am off to go dream more doctor who stuff :D
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