I was cybering with a friend, I want to work things out with Scarlet but it's hard. I'm over it but not. gah. i'm not cheating, just exploring my options. It was amazing though. I'm not going to display the conversation. It was very long and took place over five hours. The sexual part took part in the last hour and a half. I'm not sure what I'm still doing in this relationship.

I'm hoping to get involved with her, it's awkward though. I don't even know her; I'm not her friend, we've never hung out. I can barely talk to her though. She's smooth, laid back, and carries herself with a grace. I don't know how much older she is but I know how young I am. I'm not even legal. (I don't understand why it's random when I'm attracted to females.) I want to know her, be there when she isn't on shift, go on long walks talking about nothing/everything, hang out at bars, go hiking, rock climbing, rafting, exploring, to watch games with her.

later

GAH! I made out with him. Things escatlated, I needed him to be there. I feel like and idiot. I'm alright I think. I'm a little rickety due to my female issues. But I think I'll cope.

And. With more sad news. She's straight. But that's good. I think it would not be something I should mess with- another sexually crashed interaction. Anyway. I'm going to post later.

namaste