yaoi is destroying my brain

dear god i am obessed with yaoi. and in such a way that it's odd to describe. sure there is the *squee* two very hot men fucking :D ^_^ but then there is the i would like to be one of those hot men fucking either of the hot men in question. Let's see if i can list all of my current yaoi pairing obessions: Batman (bale) x Joker (ledger), 2D x Murdoc, Connor x Stephen (Primeval), Vin Disel x bale, ledger, or connor, um trying to remember others. but can't at the moment. i just know that i seriously want to watch these men fuck and then be a man and fuck them. my brain is like rotten i think. i just can't help it right now... i guess. mmm tasty man sex... sweet jesus *grabs cleaning supplies and attempts to cleanse my brain* damn it not working :( oh well just more yaoi for me. that is another thing i am a yaoi picture collector... i don't like to admit it but i love collecting really nicely or just decently drawn yaoi. i also love drawing yaoi as well :D gah... it's raining (gay) men... hell to the yeah ^_^

college or relationship

please don't tell me that i have to choose. my mom told me yesterday that she would help pay for college if i wanted to go. so now i am planning to go next spring. puck doesn't want to stay in kc he wants to go and do truck driving like we had planned. he told me that he doesn't want to wait around here another 4 years. fuck. fuck. fuck. what do i fucking do. what do i do. get educated or stay with a boy. boyfriends come and go and i don't want men holding me back from my dreams. and he doesn't want to break up with me.. what the fuck am i doing..