13.12.08

out with a whimper

why do you always have to be such a bitch all of the time


i don't know dave. i think it's because i'm terrorfied of you leaving so i'm edging you out of my life so i can just get to what i've been attempting to do since 13. maybe if i prove how horrible i am you won't love me anymore. because i need to be right about how horrible i am because i feel like i'm horrible all of the time. i never feel like i'm good enough. smart enough. slim enough. funny enough. maybe me trying to destroy the only thing i give a shit about in this life proves how much i don't deserve to be happy. it wasn't said loudly, it was said softly. you never talk to me anymore. why should you. i treat you like crap sometimes. okay alot. seriously just want to stab myself. seriously. why don't i just do it.

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