it all starts here. there isn't much left of who i was anymore. i would like to think i had moved for good reasons. i would like to think of myself and my friends as family. but facing facts which there are a few is important.
1. I have three friends.
2. I do not have a family. Just a group of people that lived with when I was younger.
3. I have a good job. Terrified that things won't work out for one reason or another.
4. I am doing alright. I have extra money and bills are paid.
outside of those facts. i am scared and tired. it seems that when things are going alright i feel like i'm at the best place to be fucked over. so even when things are alright i can't enjoy it. i should seriously consider talking to a doctor about things. i feel a little unraveled. I think moving does that.
It's weird because I am homesick. Dave asks me "What are you missing?"... I can only name places, seasons of that place. I don't need the crappy jobs that I was at. I keep getting crap from various people about the fact I could have found a better job in NC. I was miserable there. I need someplace new. I wish I could just start truck driving now. I want to - just not there yet. I have to take C.D.L. training first... I want to shake myself out of it... I just feel so apathetic to other peoples issues. i don't want to care anymore... maybe it will stop the hurt... but i can't not care... it sucks....
No comments:
Post a Comment