alright. 9 days. why be a baby about it all. i might see him this summer. might. for a week. he isn't mine to have. he has family. work. things of that nature. i'm not going to act sore about it. right? i'm seeing him for 3 days. hopefully. okay. i'm being silly. i think i let my hopes get up about him. he didn't promise anything. and i AM being sore about it. damn it. i'm going to stop this selfish thought. he's sacrificing alot to come out here. so i need to can it. he loves me. that is more then i was ever hoping for. i'm going to cherish him. more then he's ever been cherished. give him all the love i have and wait for his next embrace. it isn't a good bye when he leaves. it's a see you at a later time. i'm going home to paint pictures of us in love. us sharing a long waited kiss. us holding the other with a love that is beyond love. he is my friend. he's never mentioned anything more. so i must realize that while he will always have my heart that may not be his intention. i don't want to scare away what i have. and he gives so much that i'd be happy if that is all he ever wants of me. he loves his friends well. it's a admirable thing. such an expression from one so quiet. it's an honor. it truly is.