vulnerable and scared
shivering against it all
heart given and taken
will it be hurt?
will i leave this place bruised?
with love so powerful and true
intentions never would be so cruel
lingers of doubts
inside me shout
with a roar stronger then the ocean wave
for you i'd save
the last bit of love,
the last tear of sadness
and above it all the last whisper of admiration


alright it's 8 days away. and the closer it gets the less sleep i get. i'm tossing and rolling and staring at the way the lamppost out side filter little lit lines in my ceiling. thinking in poetry, talking in song. the very breath i take seems to whisper a promise. nerves are edged and thoughts race. daily grind grinds away none of this. this is harder for me then i thought. i'm caught with the thoughts of him all day long. passing the time and feeling as though i was suppose to wait. that this was suppose to build into an undertow and excited whispers, jumbled feelings, and these unspoken thoughts:
will he like me? of course, he loves me. but he's never met me, all the more reason to believe in his love. will he kiss me? of course, he will. but isn't there something to be said about not knowing one another face to face? sure there is, but there is a lot of shit said. do you believe it all. no. most it is white wash anyway. so why the edgy feelings? `cause maybe he won't like me in person. that's stupid. what's not to love? i don't know. my body's awkward looking. now you're talking like you did when you were 13. there's nothing wrong with your body. what if he changes his mind about coming? why would he do that. well i don't know i'm nervous. i want to please him. you do. okay, but. . . just breathe. he'll be here soon. don't worry about monday. monday will be beautiful. it'll all be awkward at first. but awkward in the best sort of way....
i'm not crazy. everyone talks to themselves. i do it most of the time when i'm not talking to mouse or him. there isn't anybody else to really talk to. a little lonely but not crazy. or myabe crazy in all the best ways.