ah! baths should have a deity. man i was fucking feeling sickly and lame. i took a bath for an hour. let half of it drain and put more hot water in several times. i've been feeling really sick. then again i've not been good to myself often. i'm feeling so much better afterwards.... i think all the things i feel about myself - the bad stuff the stuff about me disliking myself is true. but i think i just lay in the thoughts, if i don't have something to do then i'm listless. anyway. i'm off. to do. something.