if we've worked things out.... why do i feel so trashed...
i am not good enough for anyone. my parents told me so and i'm starting to see it. i'll never be good in relationships.

the distance has always been there.... has he moved on.... met something more he style or has he just decided that i'm not worth it... if it's honestly the money then he can have the money... i'll pay him back and cut this off. i don't want him to come here as a science experiment. i love this man. more then i can ever love any man. i honestly don't know what i'll do when he decides in about a month that he hates me.

my friend ja:
umm....well at this present time you know all that i have talked to you you seem sooo great and it makes me want you for my own and i wasnt lieing when i said that i wanted the best for you and David but i was kind of jelious of him to have a woman like you and just sitting here talking to you and just hearing you laugh and just care free made me a very happy person and also i guess i should admit that i do like you alot just something about you just brings out the happyness in me

he feels the same... he wants to see me happy just puck.... but puck isn't himself. and i'm not sure what has happened.

puck: Cherry, you might not get this for a while, but I just wanted you to know that I'm missing a lot right now. I'm actually getting some hw done and I keep imagining we're already living together and I'm waiting for you to come home. maybe a phone call. a text just to hear from you; not because I'm worried. I just want some sort of contact. looking through old text messages or checking my voicemail just wouldn't be enough. I guess that longing always proves how much you truly need someone. with me sitting here alone helps my mind wander, and since I'm supposedly thinking about hw, it decides to think about you instead. (not that I mind. I'm getting work done anyway) I doubt that this is anywhere near what you feel, but it's a start. text communication and phone conversations aren't enough (like I even have to say it) but they do keep me from missing you so much especially since we don't go twelve hours without contact with each other. ok, except for when I don't have time to talk to you before school because I was up late or something like that. it'll suck if you don't get this, but I guess I can just resend it when you get online. and I won't have to worry about closing this window and losing it because message archiving rocks! *hides*

does he remember this? this tenderness... this overwhelming devotion. it has left him. what has happened?

where is my baby?
mousie is so confused as well.... she doesn't understand why this happening... she told me today that she sees that he's feeling trapt. he isn't though. he can walk right out that door... he isn't chained to me...

has he decided he wants her instead?
is she perferable to me?
if she is then i'd rather him be happy with her or any other girl...
i don't want a miserable man on my hands...

i hope my angel comes home to me.