i just don't sleep anymore, eat anymore, care anymore.
i'm listless, frustrated. hungry but unwilling to feed myself.
angry at myself for being depressed, for making him worry, for being broke, for being lazy, for being a broken person.
i have the day off but working tonight

it's not that i do not feel love. it is not that he had to go. it's not that all of this is too "grown up" for me to handle. none of that is true. i'm fine.

but do you know what it's like to be so alone?
to live with thousands yet get nothing in the way of friends
to have no touch
no holding
no talking
no walks in the park
no small talk having coffee

living alone is fine. it's no one to talk to. nothing to look forward to at the end of day. albiet i chat with him and that satisfies me. i don't even want to be wreckless anymore. go out and have random fun. explore. meet people. i went out to a club and went home after a half hour. jus lay here and wait... that's all.

wait and sleep and work...
wait some more.
it's not even that i'm making him my only happiness.
i'm happy at times.
just not so often and not for too long.

"Dumb"

I’m not like them But I can pretend The sun is gone But I have a light The day is done But I’m having fun I think I’m dumb Or maybe just happy Think I’m just happy [repeat 3x] My heart is broke But I have some glue Help me inhale And mend it with you We’ll float around And hang out on clouds Then we’ll come down And I have a hangover Have a hangover [repeat 3x] Skin the sun Fall asleep Wish away The soul is cheap Lesson learned Wish me luck Soothe the burn Wake me up [repeat first verse and chorus] I think I’m dumb [repeat 12x]

"You know you're right"
I will never bother you I will never promise to I will never follow you I will never bother you Never speak a word again I will crawl away for good I will move away from here You wont be afraid of fear No thought was put in to this I always knew it would come to this Things have never been so swell I have never failed to fail Pain [3x] You Know your Right [3x] I'm so warm and calm inside I no longer have to hide Let’s talk about someone else Steaming soup against her mouth Nothing really bothers her She just wants to love herself I will move away from here You wont be afraid of fear No thought was put into this I always knew to come like this Things have never been so swell I have never failed to fail Pain [5x] You know Your Right [17x] Pain [1x]

"Heart Shaped box"
She eyes me like a pisces when I am weak I've been locked inside your Heart Shaped box for weeks I've been drawn into your magnet tar pit trap I wish I could eat your cancer when you turn black Hey! Wait! I've got a new complaint Forever in debt to your priceless advice Hey! Wait! I've got a new complaint Forever in debt to your priceless advice Hey! Wait! I've got a new complaint Forever in debt to your priceless advice...your advice Meat-eating orchids forgive no one just yet Cut myself on Angel Hair and baby's breath Broken hymen of your highness I'm left back Throw down your umbilical noose so I can climb right back Hey! Wait! I've got a new complaint Forever in debt to your priceless advice Hey! Wait! I've got a new complaint Forever in debt to your priceless advice Hey! Wait! I've got a new complaint Forever in debt to your priceless advice...Your advice*solo* She eyes me like a pisces when I am weak I've been locked inside your Heart-Shaped box for weeks I've been drawn into your magnet tar pit trap I wish I could eat your cancer when you turn black Hey! Wait! I've got a new complaint Forever in debt to your priceless advice Hey! Wait! I've got a new complaint Forever in debt to your priceless advice Hey! Wait! I've got a new complaint Forever in debt to your priceless advice Your advice Your advice Your advice

well whatever... nevermind