stand aside citizens

i am apparantly the carwreck of life that people around me can't help but rubberneck and feel sorry for.

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x9zpd7_counting-crows-catapult_music

I wonder whether they feel sorry because they care or because it makes them appear to care. it's just so much BS

So much rejection in every connection i make

To my darling

My Dearest Darling,
I've cried, I've pleaded, I've talked to, I've explained stuff to, I've gotten angry, I've been depressed. I feel like I can't deal anymore. I'm not who you want. The mystic idea of some perfect woman is what you really want. Not me, not the real me. I can't please anybody, especially not you. When I'm open and talk it means nothing. In fact it usually means I'm guilty of some horrific crime. Yes, I fuck up. I'm human. I make mistakes. I guess next time I'll try to be a Vulcan. I miss you, I like you, I need you at times. I want the relationship to work. I want a million amazing things with you. But the fact you feel so wounded and so jealous over the most MICRO of things is the very definition of INSANITY.

I can't get texts from anybody
I can't hang out with anybody
I can't talk to anybody
I can't look at anybody
I can't have friends
I can't be myself

Without being guilty of being a whore, a cheater, a wanderer, being bored with you, being interested in somebody else

I am guilty of something based off of the fan pages and groups I join. Are we SERIOUS???? Are you KIDDING ME?!?!?!?!

I am tired of this. I care for you more then you'll ever freaking take or admit to yourself. Probably because it'll mean you'll actually have to treat me without jealousy, or as a possession or with the tiniest micron of respect. I've heard you talk and talk and talk about hating being jealous and doubting stuff and triple guessing every move. But I don't see you working on it. I don't see you trying. Tell me you have tried and honestly tried and tell me when. Tell me the dates, the times, the situation. TELL ME. You keep it to yourself for a few days maybe a week and then you EXPLODE in the biggest fit of insanity. And the reasons that you get suspicious and jealous are getting more and more insane to the point where I worry for your sanity.

I have friends. I have a social life. I don't know what more you want. I will NOT be your emotional slave. But I WILL be your girlfriend and maybe in a few years if things are great maybe your fiance and maybe a couple years after that your wife. I want to work this out but if you continue to be a pigheaded jealous JERK then I'm going to dump you! That isn't to say I'll feel shitty about it. But I can't stay with somebody who spies on my tiniest movements. Bleh. Do whatever you want. And decide whatever you want. I won't fucking stand to being treated like this for much longer. Stop the assholery or i will freaking leave you.

You thought I was cold and mean before, you haven't seen anything. The arctic circle will seem like the fucking majave compared to how I'll be treating you. Get it together or deal with the consequences.

I love you. I really do. But this has got to stop.